Much of the content may be a bit dark, but it is not necessarily in chronological order. There are no dates, because I don't think it matters if I wrote it 3 years ago or yesterday. I decided to write for me and I know most of the time I feel like writing is when I have something I need to process or work through; this is really my only place to come to and release.

I am not miserable, I am just healing.

Wash Away

I can't wash it away
What you did today
Flowing down the drain
my tears and my pain
But I am still dirty
It sticks to me
Never free
A filth you can't see
But I feel it still
Dislodging bits of will
I feel weak again
Sick and dizzy again
God get it off of me
I can't scrub it off of me
I can't wash it away
What you did today

A Little At A Time

You cut at her
A little at a time
Small wounds
They will heal easily enough
A nick here
A slit there
With each tiny scar
Her skin grows thicker
Losing sensation
She feels rough

But you continue
To cut her
A little at a time
Scars form from scars
She is unrecognizable
Where is the sensitive angel?
What happened
To your soft beauty?
You emptied her
Killed her
A little at a time

You push her
Just a bit further each time
She is strong
Her will is good
A shove today
A nudge tomorrow
She plants her feet
Holds her ground
With each push
She grows more rigid

Fighting back
Trying to be steady
And you push her
A bit further each time
Until she is strong as stone
Cold as concrete
Walls don't feel
Stone can not touch, kiss, embrace
Eventually it all will crumble
The pieces will fall
A bit further each time