Motivational Metabolism

What happens when we get into committed relationships? Does our motivational metabolism suddenly slow down…sometimes to a sludge? I would like to think that two intelligent, ambitious individuals could get together and create beautiful success and charity and change; but even the most determined of us still seem to fall victim to the same malady… we just like each other’s company.
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Sure, while he is working on his website I could easiy be working on a book, my blog, or drafting… but I would rather sit and watch; and then beat myself up for it later. And when I finally want to do something myself, you better believe he is not far away, always asking questions about what I am doing. I suppose it is the nature of love, or even admiration at the beginning level.
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So, should us smart folk stay single and productive; or shack up and try not to fall into the pack of poor souls that look back at what they “could” have done? Would the sweet feeling of accomplishment actually take the place of a sweet kiss?
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I would love to believe that my love for my significant other would encourage me to encourage them…but I just want to cuddle. Maybe this is only a symptom of the honeymoon stage. Maybe by this time next year I will not care if we are on opposite sides of the house. I doubt it…but I am still in the honeymoon stage so I am not claiming immunity from being biased. Is the possibility that extra ciricular activities can create jealousy real and tangible? Can you want someone to succeed yet not want them to trade time with you for the steps they need to take to get there?
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Is talent like a lover? Do we have to sneak off to love them and tend to them? Is it something that can’t be done in the presence of your partner because it may make them feel left out? We are like to say “I just want you to be happy” but when it comes down to it… what selfish ultimatums do we tack on? Happiness on our terms.
And when our partners begin to lose themselves; when they can’t smile and don’t know why… will we look to ourselves, first? The first reactions is always “what did I do?”, but maybe the question is “what did I not let them do?”
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I was married and somewhere in that 7 years I lost myself and became miserable. Of course, there were lots of reasons to feel that way.. I was married to an alcoholic, drug abusing man who couldn’t see that his selfishness was disassembling our love brick by brick. But most of all, I lost me fr the sake of loving. I stopped writing unless I was mad or hurt…then I stopped doing it then too. I stopped drawing. I stopped walking in the rain. I stopped sitting quietly and just listening and thinking. Most of all…I sopped learning; mostly about myself and who I wanted to be.
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He never said “stop writing”. But I let my love for him become the end rather than the support. It was the dynamite instead of the trussel. I never told him to stop drawing…in fact I loved it about him. You could argue that the drugs, beer, and parties told him to stop… but I m done with excuses.
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So, do we unknowingly sabotage our relationships in the name of strengthening our relationships? What happens when you love that she is a painter, but you never let her paint or tell her to paint? One day she will no longer be a painter. She will have lost a piece of herself… and so shall you have lost a piece of her.
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This should not be confused with blame games. I do not have to be told not to write. I willingly watch him rather than write without any coercion, whining, or snuggling.
Maybe love means locking them in a room with a computer, canvas, pen, or drafting table and then leaving them alone.
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Maybe love means a little less lovin’.